Little girls, little girls!

Oh yes... it was a day of little girls... but seriously... they were so cute. Vicki hasn't stopped talking about her friend Payton!

chasing bubbles






ever tried getting two preschoolers to sit still, smile and look at the camera all the same time?

the youngest little girl, Samara, snoozing with her blankie and bunny I made for her!

And of course Becca was there too. I thought this was a nice picture of Becca and Liz.

Michelle and I were there as well, of course, but you will have to Liz's blog to see pictures of us. =) Yes, it was good day.

Yesterday, I got to spend some time with Charity as well. Charbear and crafting. I winning combination.

As I was emailing my parents this morning, giving them an update on the job offer and such, I started thinking about all I have to do over the next few days before I start my job on Wednesday. Tuesday will be just for me and Vicki. Too bad if everything isn't done. We are just going to hang, play, go to the park, and have lots of cuddles. I'm getting tears just thinking about this. Yup, this transition will be hardest on me. I am sure going to miss my V.

Ok... gorgeous day out... so I'm off to enjoy it.

It happened over the weekend

Went to Susan and Terry's wedding this weekend. I was playing around with using available light for my photos, so as not to be having my flash interfere with the photographer. Makes for some interesting photos. I'm still learning how to get use my million different settings to get the best quality pictures. One day I will sit down and actually read some of the advanced manual, but its on cdrom, so I havent been in a hurry to sit in front of the computer to read it yet.


I also don't have a very steady hand. I lost so many of what would be great shots because I can't hold the camera still enough. I even have a stabilizer ability, but it can't correct the extent of my shakiness. Plth! (((more photos on my photo blog, Cheese))


So the wedding was absolutely beautiful. The music for the ceremony was all from the LOTR. Amazing! The pastor performed a beautiful Christ-centered ceremony. It was lovely. If I were one to cry at weddings... this would have definitely been a tissue wedding.

All the grandchildren were included in the ceremony. They were awesome. The boys kept very serious, and Gracie, the flower girl, who is only two, was absolutely adorable. What a good girl she was.


It was very awesome to see a lot of old friends, whom I haven't seen in years. Rod and Julie. Oh my gosh... I am so happy I got to see them. I love and miss them so much! I can't beleive I didnt take a picture of them. DOH! Dennis and Sue. ((hugs)) And some time with Michelle, Darlene, Liz and Misty. And of course, I always enjoy seeing Cari and Jen.


I was Mandy's date, then stayed over at her place following the wedding. We had a marvelous time. I got to hang out with her some more on Sunday before heading over to pick up Lex from her dad's house.


By the time I returned home, I was sure tired. I got to enjoy a little time with the family, followed by a long soak in the tub, then some quality time for me and D. Weddings always remind me of what an amazing husband I have. I am so thankful!!!



Yep... it was a great weekend!

Haunted

I'm being haunted by thoughts of this 20 year reunion and by these dreams I have been having of Karie. It looms like a big black cloud. And Karie, well I just can't save her. I keep trying, in different ways each time, but she keeps choosing to stay. The dreams are a leading factor in why I have been having trouble sleeping. Well that and D being on call and his cell phone ringing in the middle of the night and the wee hours every night. Sheesh. Worst on-call week ever.

20 years. Wow. Seems like an entire lifetime ago that I walked out of the school doors and into the world for the final time. Yet, like a blink of an eye. So here it comes. Well, maybe. Seems that no one is really planning anything. The person who did almost all the work on the ten year does not want to be stuck doing all the work for the 20. So I volunteered to help. As much as I can, anyway, living in a different country and all. So party, or no party, it still looms. It's out there.... making me feel old. Flooding my brain with memories of dreams, hopes and aspirations unfulfilled. Showing me how that girl back then and I have very little in common now. She was limited by so much. She had no faith in herself. So insecure. She beleived herself unworthy of love, and incapable of love. She beleived she would never find someone who would love her. She didnt want kids. Here I am. Confident, self assured. Loved and loving. Worthy and capable of all He is willing to give. Blessed. Sickingly happily married with 4 kids. Still learning, laughing and loving life daily. Yup, not a lot in common. Guess 20 years isn't so bad. Maybe I am not so old.

And, the dreams. Haunted? Not by a ghost. But, by my own feelings of guilt. I know, logically, that Karie's death was not my choice. I did try to reconnect with her. I could feel her, ya know? Like... she was crying out and somehow, I could sense her and her need for a true friend. I tried to reach her. She held back. She always did when she needed help the most. But, I can't stop these feelings of, if only I had tried harder. If only I had pushed a little. I was so worried at the time, when I was trying to reconnect, that if I was too pushy, I would come across as needy or annoying and she would just shut me out. Little did I know, that she kept me at a distance, cuz she was in real trouble. If only I had tried harder. We used to be so close. And we had always kept in touch, but Karie kept me at a distance. Small talk and reminiscing. Did I do and say all I could have to let her know that I was here for her? That all she had to do was let me in, even a little and I would be a solice for her. I could feel her. But I could not save her. Now she is gone and all I really want is to tell her how much I care. So, I dream. I dream that I can save her. I dream that she lets me try. But in the end, they are all the same. She chooses not to let me help her. And I awaken with that same feeling. The one where I feel so helpless to help my friend. And now she is gone and its too late. It was her choice, but I can't stop putting some of the blame on myself. If only.....

Counting my Blessings

With soooo much to be thankful for, I will just take a couple posts to list some of the things that come to mind, in no particular order.

Grace: sufficient to save a wretch like me.

Love: My husband. You rock baby!! You reminded me what it is like to feel, to love and to live again. You are still and always will be my favorite person to spend time with.
and my kids: J-man, Lex, Sam-sam and the V. Loving you all is a gift of immense blessing!

Friendship: Sharley, Kristi, Charity, Mandy, Liz, Jen-jen - you all are the glue that holds me together. Too many others to list. I wouldnt be who I am today if not for the friends who come in and out of my life, day to day, week to week, month to month, and year to year.

Family: In-laws, out-laws, near, far, young and old... wouldn't want to be stuck in this world without you all.

Church: To worship. To commune. To serve. To love. Not to be contrainst by walls or labels.

Laughter: a day without it, is a sad day indeed.

Creation: the reflection of God in it all inspires and calms me.

Life: each and every day is a gift. To see God's hand in my every day existence leaves me in awe.

La la la

Thank you Liz and Dr. C.

Due to Biffie's persitance on taking me to see Dr. C, I am feeling so much better!! After speaking with the doc, and discussing the headaches and the bump on my head, he was able to determine a cause of the headaches. Not only that, he was able to provide a treatment bringing relief. He put a needle in my head. That was a little unpleasant, but I have experienced far worse things. He injected some stuff that burned it's way in. Ouch. But the result is, I haven't had a headache since, and I don't have funky other weird stuff going in the absense of the pain. YAY. I love you Dr. C.

The headaches are tension headaches. Not like from stress. But from actual physical tension on the tendons that support my head. It seems that my recent interets in yarn crafts, (crochet and knitting) has cause tension in said tendons. Then they inflame and while I sleep, knot up and cause me to awake with these horrible headaches.

So now, D says no more crocheting. Plth!!! I will just have to watch my posture and how long I sit and do it each day. I mean, I have way too much yarn and way too many started and not yet completed projects to quit now. And not to mention that I like it. I like accomplishing something with my time that would otherwise just be spent sitting and watching tv. And the best part.... when I complete a project, I give it away. LOL. Who knows if I will ever actually make something for me.

Oh, and ya, computer time aggravates the situation, but that is an easy fix. This means I can only check up on a few blogs a day. Sorry, friends, if I dont get to come by as often, but I gotta take care of me. Anyways, no headaches for now. (The shot will eventually stop working, but hopefully the tendon is no longer a problem by then.)

Time out with the girls on Saturday ((how are you feeling Mandy?)) was sure a nice break. So great to hang with the girls whom I love but dont get so see nearly enough of. Was so great to see Cari, Leah and Darlene. Char, my gosh girl, why oh why are our lives so busy, I absolutely loved seeing you. And what a blast to see Melissa. And Kristi's "Hot Neighbor" made an appearance. I won't publish what the responses were when I pointed him out, but lets just say that it was generally agreed that he was hot. Liz, you rock!!! But, you need to update your blog!! hehe. Happy happy birthday Mandy. I am so glad things are going well for you now. We missed you Kristi. Next time, I will make sure I have your cell # with me. I am soooo expecting those of you who have photographic evidence from saturday to email it to me. =)

So... off and running.... headache free... wooooo hooooooo